Adventures in Spain: A Paddy, A Spick and a Wop

So. Here I sit at my PC. It's 11.30pm. I've had dinner and a spliff. I feel reasonably good, not least after the wretched flu I have had for two weeks. Yet, I cannot help but be pereturbed. Let me tell you why...

Two weeks ago I moved into a new flat. Yes, again. The whys and the heretofores of this are too tedious to go into, but I now find myself sharing a flat with an Italian and a Spaniard. They're nice guys. Easy going, relaxed, calm about dishes etc. Also they are being very patient concerning my lack of Spanish and are happy to chat to me in a little bit of English when I lack the words in Espanol.

That said (drumroll) certain small things have begun to bug me. First, the Italian likes to leave his bedroom doorall night. Wide Looking onto the living room. Is it wrong of me to be bothered by this? Perhaps.

Secondly, but most importantly, the Spaniard has a lot of friends. I have no problem with these guys being in the house (some of them are sound) but there are three of them who I could quite cheerfully shoot.

Last Friday I went to play football. 90 minutes of frantic running and being humiliated by sickeningly gifted Spaniards, 3 beers and a smoke later, I rambled home to find a full scale party in swing in my flat. This was replete with Bongs, thundering techno and scantily clad women dancing in my living room.

I imagine that you are wondering why I would have a problem with this. Well, if you can read between the lines you might understand, but let's just say that I had a very hard week at work, a flu, 3 beers and a joint inside me, and I had just run my legs off for 90 minutes. I wasn't feeling great. In fact I just wanted my bed.

However, that was impossible and this is where the irritating friends (remember them?) come back into the story. I had no choice but to have a drink and stay up for a while. Sleeping was an impossibility with the noise levels. It was just as I was thinking that I could sit quietly in the corner or fiddle with the stereo so as that I wouldn't have to speak to anyone, that the three stooges accosted me.

The first one greeted me with 'Whasssup muddafucka!'. The second with 'Howssss it going MAN????' and the third just smiled and nodded sagely.

At first I thought that they were trying to wind me up. But, as the minutes passed, it finally dawned on me that this was the way that they spoke English. Half of their idiomatic expressions and vocabulary had come from listening to hiphop and watching shit 1980's Eddie Murphy movies. Oh, and they're English 'filology' students.

Three minutes of this and I made my excuses. As I left, one of them (whassup) asked could I help him with his English. I told him to stop talking like that. He didn't seem happy.

Anyhow, here I sit. And the three of them have just come into the house. Drunk and yelling. It's gonna be a fun night.

Posted by birdbath at February 17, 2004 06:54 AM | Email a friend this entry | TrackBack